TWIZEL – LAKE PUKAKI – PELENNOR FIELDS – CROMWELL, 16 May 2024
As we all scrabbled to leave The Overlook before one of us froze to death and died in a maze, (it was actually…alright. We were just all a little over-comfortable with the previous hotels, I think), nothing could have prepared us for the farmer that owns a strip of land by Lake Pukaki that is the setting of the refugee camp for the People of Lake Town in The Battle of the Five Armies.
That would be… Ian.
Josh described him as Aotearoa New Zealand’s own “Willy Wonka” and told us that he’d want to tell us about the history of his farm and how it led to PJ filming there. Before Ian arrived, though, we got to snap some amazing pictures of Lake Pukaki!
Then, he was here and did not disappoint. Up rocked a car with weird stickers on it and a mannequin strapped to the back. Suddenly, this farmer (who insisted on farming days he always wore tweed) stepped out dressed in a star covered black suit with glittering red and blue shoes. Now, I don’t mean starry as in flash, no, no…
I mean:
So, we all think, here we go, this guy’s going to be an ICON!
Then he begins talking:
Now, before I talk about The Hobbit stuff, let me tell you about how that land they found came to be this farm of mine.
Now, I can’t write the full 20-minute story Ian told us. But, somehow, he managed to link someone from New Line coming and saying, “Can we film here?” Ian saying, “Yes.” And a film scene is promptly shot, and then they leave – to his great-great grandfather’s children all dying of horrible diseases other than one, who eventually had his dad, who was also a pilot in the Battle of Sicily in WWII and crashed his plane, his co-pilot got his head crushed “like a melon”, got saved by the Mafia, came home had a baby, that was Ian and now he owns the farm…
If that makes no sense in a paragraph, try the Extended Edition. We thought we’d dropped mushrooms until Josh loudly cut back the schedule, “LET’S GO AND SEE THE CAMP!“, and off we went.
So, we saw the location on the shore of the lake before Josh got out a target (a poster of Smaug), and we all took turns shooting arrows at it. I need to work on my aim, I used to be pretty decent at archery, but not so much anymore (I only missed once, though). McKenzie, however, told us all she’d only used a bow once, before shooting Smaug, Smaug’s kids, Smaug again, Smaug’s second cousin twice removed, right between the eyes. So, that was how we discovered McKenzie, the woman we’d all come to laugh and love hanging out with, was actually a sleeper agent…
After firing double shots and firing arrows at a balloon/mask ‘Head of Smaug’, turning into more of a pincushion, we ventured back onto the bus and headed toward the Pelennor Fields. As I got onto the bus, I checked my phone just briefly-
And my day completely changed.
Back in the UK, my friend of 10 years, Mike, had suddenly died.
I processed it quietly to myself. Jon asked me how I was, but I just replied fine. Our first rest stop was at a café by a different lake, I forget which, but everyone grabbed their hot chocolates and wandered and mumbled and smiled and pointed, and I ordered a sh*t coffee, sat on a bench looking at the water and burst into tears.
Jon came over, thinking to make a joke until he saw me, and in true brotherly fashion (for all our tiffs and jokes at each other) put a hand on my shoulder before giving me some space. You don’t realise how deep an impact someone has had on you until you realise you can’t say thank you to them.
We all know it’s coming, and yet, we never expect it to.
So, a brief mention of Mike.
I met Mike at the University of Warwick, where I was studying Film Studies and starting my acting career alongside it. Mike was a fierce supporter of me from the very first. He would always see my shows and was front and centre in the audience of the very first preview for the show that would launch my career, Hedwig and the Angry Inch. When I was the film director for the video sections of a production of the opera, The Marriage of Figaro, Mike attacked it all with such vivre and lust for life. He could outdrink, outsmart, and outlast us all and was a truly giving and generous actor, man, and friend.
He was more dear to me than I ever got a chance to tell him.
Go and talk to your loved ones. Please.
When we finally arrived at the yellowing, grassy plains that were flatter than Edoras’, but still had that majesty of being surrounded by mountains, we got off the coach and everyone got weapons and some armour.
I had volunteered to be Théoden first. I needed to do right by my glorious Dead and shout in their honour (especially an actor like Mike). So, naturally, I got his sword and a small, fluffy hobby horse. We lined up on the hill they filmed the charge of the Rohirrim and off I went.
These two videos will be uploaded when I get Wifi tomorrow!
It was a rush. Mike would have loved it, and so did I. Catharsis at its finest. A
And then, Jon followed it as only Jon could. No one else could have done it. And so, ‘Jon from HR‘ was gifted unto the world.
These two videos will be uploaded when I get Wifi tomorrow!
Finally, we learned about each of the shots here, from the rescue of Faramir and others by Gandalf, where Minas Tirith ‘stood’, the Rohirrim’s charge, and Faramir’s sacrifice, before Priscilla arrived. The owner of the farm was also an Orc extra (as was most of the local area) and, with help from her dog Ginnie, she regaled us with stories of how to stand still when horses ride 45kph between you in lines. Then, she brought out her ultimate treasure… 9 years after LOTR wrapped, someone was scanning her field and came across an ACTUAL prop spear from the Riders of Rohan!!!
Immediately, snaps were taken. I’d like to say that the impaling from Jon was my idea. He wasn’t just itching for a chance…
…but, he was keen…
After leaving the Pelennor Fields behind us, we meandered back through the valley and into the Alps proper as we continued further south toward Queenstown, this time stopping in the little rural town of Cromwell (don’t worry, I gather they are allowed to still have Christmas) via the Jones’ Family orchard where I grabbed some AMAZING fresh fruit and dried snacks for the van journey back to Auckland.
Our little Fellowship went for Mexican for dinner, which was divine and we toasted Mike, people were kind in a very polite way, which I cherished, the distance emotionally I expected, we’re all on a trip and that’s big news to navigate. McKenzie was very lovely on the way to the restaurant, plus, there was a cat. Cats are the best.
After we got back, everyone went to bed except me. I couldn’t. I couldn’t just *switch off* the day like that. So, I grabbed a fruit tea and wandered outside, and looking up, I stared at my very own Feast of Starlight as the Milky Way shone and glimmered. I also saw two shooting stars.
Tears were shed. I will miss my friend, more than I think I realised.
A neat whisky courtesy of the barman at the hotel later, and I finally went to sleep. The world just that little bit duller.
So, I’d like to dedicate this chapter to the incredible, wonderful, fun-loving, friend of mine, Mike L. I will miss you more than I could write.
Rest in Power.
– Jake,
21 May 2024
P.S. Jon is also writing about his version of events over on his Tumblr page, Misplaced Midlanders! Check it out!
The Long Expected Journey 