Epilogues & Afterthoughts

WEST MIDLANDS, ENGLAND

I have been home now for 9 days. It’s been both wonderful to be home and a hard snap back to reality. Within a day of us landing in the UK and travelling to our respective home on either side of England, Jon and I were faced with tough news respectively. It’s not my place, nor is this the time, for now, to discuss them, but it was a considerable shock to the system to come home to them. Life, as much as we may want it to, does not go on hold for any length of time. I’m just very grateful that I was home and with my partner when it all started to occur.

From the very moment we touched down in the UK, I knew that some degree of “reality” was back and the shine of Adventure had come away a little. When Jon and I pushed through the doors of Arrivals in Heathrow, I had walked all of seven steps before I saw an excited smile running pell-mell toward me. My partner and I hugged each other tightly and eventually made our way toward Jon and his, now greeted, Dad. His Dad and I exchanged a few jokes about the bungy jump and I thought, though a little tight for time, that Jon and I would share a big hug, the way the hobbits clink their mugs together in the Green Dragon. 15 years of talking, 2 years of waiting and planning, all finally culminated. I expected a hug and a smile to say “we did it!”.

‘Well, see you, Jake,” Jon smiled. I laughed and thought it was a bit, so bought in!
“Yeah, see you, pal! Ha ha!” My partner smiled, awaiting us to share that hug. I began to prep for that moment.

Then Jon turned and walked away with his Dad, I deflated. Not so much as a “breath caught” moment of overblown drama, it just slowly drifted down, like a cloth that sags to the ground. Hey, maybe it was me! I turned to my partner as we followed 6ft behind Jon and his Dad. No, they were looking at me with an unsure look that said “is everything alright?” I tried to get his attention, seeing as we were right there, but, for whatever reason, Jon never turned around to look at us. We got to the exit and I said somewhat gutted at this point, but still hoping that this was all just a misunderstanding and me and my best friend would get that amazing goodbye.
“Well, see you then, mate!” I called.
Jon half turned, as if I’d interrupted the flow between his Dad and him.
“Yeah, see you.”
Then he turned his back and walked away.
And that was how our adventure ended.

I stood there wondering if I’d done or said something wrong. I knew it wasn’t all in my head, my partner grabbed my hand and looked at me with a searching look.
“What just happened? I thought you’d both hug and stuff?”
“Yeah… me too.”

In hindsight, I’ve tried to make sense of that moment. I’m relatively sure that it could have been a mixture of tiredness or that Jon was happy to see his Dad again and be eager to get home to people. Maybe it was something to do with the fact that we had spent such an intense time together that Jon just wanted to enjoy having space and time with someone else. I don’t know. I do know that our adventure will have ended like that and that’s just the way it is.
Do I blame anyone? No.
Do I wish it wasn’t that way? Yes, but here we are. There’s nothing I can do and that’s okay.

Being home, as I’ve said, has been tough, but it has been wonderful to see my friends again, to get back to some of the projects I’d left behind and to start new one’s. I’ve enjoyed waking up each morning with my partner in the bed next to me, that never gets old!

Alongside my partner, who’s support and comfort never ceases; another incredible friend and frequent collaborator of mine, Will, has been a great source of solace and amazing words of wisdom. As a musician that is almost constantly out on the road, he knows the experience of “coming home“. Will recently went on a tour of Japan and had a similarly deep and personal experience that left a mark on him. It’s a mark that’s very hard to articulate to others and maybe that’s also the point of documenting events here in The Long Expected Journey. We can describe events as best as we possibly can, but we can never truly articulate those deeper emotions. It’s that eternal paradox of “you just had to be there“. That said, I don’t think it’s impossible to convey most of it and to recount the sheer volume of anecdotes I now have to whack out at parties. Not to mention the broader inspiration for writing it all down and what I hope it can inspire in you and in others too. I plan on going back through the chapters and expanding them in much more vivid detail (and with promised videos and photos added etc.), what will come of it is a, hopefully, much longer body of writing and where that goes… only the Wise know!

So, what’s it like being home and looking back at this adventure of a lifetime? Surreal. The aforementioned “mark” is definitely present and it could end up being viewed similarly to Frodo returning to the Shire with his scar from the Morgul Blade on Weathertop. A constant reminder of the changes he has gone through and how he is different to those around him, including who he once was. Hence, he leaves and allows the Shire and those in it to continue to grow while he remains somewhat untethered. Spoilers… for a book that was published in 1955. But, I think I prefer to take a much more positive view. Yes, there is a mark, but, it’s one that has created so many lasting connections and relationships, memories and stories, and they, in turn, have given me such motivation to hit the ground running back at home. To live my life with much less grip on the future, but with none of the ambition and pace lost. I’m less Frodo and more Merry and Pippin, enjoying home and still knowing that there is so much world out there and it’s much easier to get to than you think (I don’t want to be buried next to Viggo Mortensen though…)

The greatest joy is the lasting bonds that have been formed by it all. We all still keep in touch. McKenzie and I have been regularly messaging and swapping our love for horror movies and various series, Joe and I swap LOTR memes and jokes, the group is still abuzz with little updates and Jenna and I are in talks of working together on a screen project. I know that a few of us will keep in touch via screen catch-ups and there’s talks of travelling to see the US, or the UK, even going back to Aotearoa, which I will most certainly be doing with my partner, both with and without the friends there too! I think there’s something really beautiful in that first moment when messages ping from people you’ve met on a trip. Suddenly, they’re not just a fleeting connection. They’re part of your life. That’s amazing!

Most of all, whenever I wake up, or sleep, or shower, I will look at my right shoulder for the rest of my life to see my tattoo; two ferns, a pōhutukawa, seven stars and an Elvish set of letters, and be reminded of where I went and what I did. To that end, Jon and I have a whole range of things that connect us now, not simply that we’re childhood friends. Now it’s about the adventures we went on to mark our 30ths.

Just over a week ago I was trekking around a volcano, and before that I was screaming in honour of my friend as we charged against Orcs. I have jumped off a 140ft tall bridge, seen the glowworms of Waitomo, held the Ring of Power, hiked to Edoras, seen the sun rise over snowy mountains, and voyaged over the sea as the sun lit up the Queen Charlotte Sound like it was a Bond movie! I got lost with two incredible people as we wandered around Nelson and wondered where in the living sh*t we were going to end up. I rode in a helicopter over mountaintops. Now, the days are longer and warmer here, but the sense of adventure is a wonderful thing to keep in your heart. Something deep down tells me that I will not only return to Aotearoa, but there’s a strong chance that I’ll build a home there. It would be a wonderful thing to do. One can hope. Who knows…

In the meantime, I have an amazing life to come back to. No one knows what the future holds, but it’s all the better for now having the laughter, smiles, and stories I have shared with the people I’ve met. Calling them friends seems too short a word. I’m not sure what to call them, other than to say the connection I have felt with these people is one of the best parts of being alive on this rock. A collection of humans went and did some truly insane things together, and those memories and names will be carried to various states in the US, to Canada, England, Scotland, and beyond. I cherish them all deeply, and I am so grateful to know them, to have met them, and their presence in my life is a treasure better than any boat, helicopter, or evil jewellery.

We really have become a Fellowship in the truest sense. We may not all see each other for a long time, if at all, but we will always have each other and our experiences. I know for a fact that should we see one another again, it would be a lot of hugging and laughing… followed by immediately picking back up from that snowy Monday morning in Queenstown… on the other side of the world.

So, here’s to them. To the Jenna’s, the Conor’s, Josh’s, Emily’s, Emma’s, Liam’s, Sarah’s, Michelle’s, Juliet’s, Chris’s, Evan’s, Julie’s, Angela’s, McKenzie’s and Jon’s and beyond. Here’s to the Fellowship. Here’s to the adventure… to clicking a few times and doing the damn thing. You have changed my life, and me, entirely for the better.

Here’s to us.

The adventurers.

The travellers.

The dreamers.

The doers.

I love you all. Truly.

And I cannot wait to see you all again… It’ll be a Long Expected Reunion.

TTFN x